That’s just how I feel sometimes. It’s the other side of the coin from the feeling that the other shoe is going to drop.
I’m not sure if the shoe is always there and sometimes I’m just better at pretending it isn’t than others, or if there’s a third phase in the cycle where I am genuinely okay.
When the shoe drops, it usually hits me in the form of too many little things all getting to me at once. Too many directions at once. Often I realize after the fact that it all happened around a change in the weather and my traitorous sinuses gave been giving me headaches again — the tiny background hum or static just on the edge of hearing that gradually drives you crazy. They make me testy and less resilient. Every now and then I resolve to be more on the ball with noticing and taking Advil and/or a decongestant but that self awareness is progressing slowly. Meditation helps, although if too far gone already I can’t concentrate on meditation worth a damn.
On days like that, I do still try. Meditation is extra hard but that doesn’t mean I don’t open my Calm app and put something on for ten minutes, and try. Fidget my way through it. Try to take deep, calming breaths. It’s not a great meditation but I do think it accomplishes something, however small.
Anyway, that’s why this post is a few days late. I had several wham days in a row.